Reasons Why Not To Move To Sunnydale (Season One)

21Oct13

buffy-the-vampire-slayer-logo1. Boys turn really ugly right when you go to kiss them.
2. Cordelia.
3. You’re sitting on top of the Hellmouth. Go sit on some other mouth.
4. The town’s plumbing situation seems prone to emanating menstrual cycles.
5. Murderous invisible girls.
6. Questionable fashion choices.
7. The school administration seems either unwilling or unable to deal with the abnormally high rate of students and faculty who meet gruesome deaths while on school property.
8. The student population also appears to be eternally replaceable.
9. There’s only one nightclub in the whole town, and they allow minors inside, which means they can’t serve alcohol.
10. Demonic children. Seriously. I’m not sure if they start out deranged, or if the trauma of living in this town destroys their innocent little souls, but something is up with the kids ’round here.
11. Remember how Voldemort disappeared from history for like fifteen years after leaving Hogwarts? I’m pretty sure he went to Sunnydale.

12. The principal of Sunnydale High is really bad at his job. For example, a girl who confessed to stabbing a teacher with pruning sheers has been called to the principal’s office. Not to the local police station. And she is then given the job (along with Buffy, whom the principal says is “one of the worst students in the school”) of decorating the school cafeteria for Parent Day. Let me reiterate: the two worst students in the school, one of whom is a violent felon, has been tasked with impressing all of the parents of the school’s students.

Reasons to move to Sunnydale:
1. Invisible girls are hot.
2. The library has an armory.
3. Hot computer science teacher.
4. The internet is totally fine now.
5. Witty Slayer repartee.
6. People doing high kicks in very short skirts.

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